Love or Lust 2 Read online

  Forgoing the chairs, I get comfy on the couch in the middle and wait for Lennon. He appears minutes later with two cans of soda and a bowl of popcorn. After getting situated, the bowl of popcorn on my lap as he tucks me under his arm, he hands me the remote.

  “Your choice. I already logged into my Netflix account.”

  Netflix and chill night? Not what I was expecting, but it sounds perfect. And if I pick the right movie, there’s a chance he won’t leave here disappointed. Because all I can think about right now is how much I want him to kiss me again.

  Not because Jace kissed me. Or because he’s jealous of what he saw. But because he wants to kiss me.

  Chapter Two

  Day 17

  Dating should not be filled with this much anticipation and trepidation all rolled into one. Especially when I already know and trust the guys. When I’m confident that nothing will happen because we’ll have eyes on us at all times.

  Still, I’m dreading tonight. It’s the first real solo date since arriving, but I’m happy it’s with Callen. His sense of humor will put me at ease, at least that’s what I’m hoping for. I’d be more relaxed if I knew what we were doing, but the guys refuse to tell us anything.

  They get to plan the dates. They had to have them approved by the production team. I’m sure it’s a whole ordeal with the cameras and such. There are only so many things I can think for us to do where we’d have time to get to know each other and talk.

  Because as much as I enjoyed watching a movie with Lennon last night, we didn’t talk. We didn’t kiss either. He held my hand, fed me popcorn, made sure I was comfortable, and we watched the movie. Or at least pretended to. I was distracted by the heat from his body when I snuggled into his side.

  Every noise made me jump, even though there was a comedy playing.

  People came and went every so often, never interrupting us. It could have been anyone in the room. They never spoke up. Not even a hello. I knew who it was, though. And he made his presence known about every half hour.

  Did I want to turn around and wave? Of course. But I didn’t. I kept my eyes trained on the screen in front of me. On the feel of Lennon’s body pressed against mine. I tried to give him my complete attention considering it was supposed to be our time together, yet my mind kept wandering to Jace.

  What was he doing? Who was he with?

  I found out after the movie ended that all the guys were at the pool, listening to music and drinking. Everyone waved to us as we walked past, headed back to my villa. Everyone except Jace. His eyes pierced mine, and I didn’t look away until I was forced to. Still, I felt his stare long after he was out of sight.

  When Lennon asked to come in, I feigned exhaustion. I was tired, but it was more my uncertainty. My heart was making a decision. I knew it. I think he knew it. The last thing I wanted was to lead him on any longer than I already had. I needed to put on my big girl panties and let him down easy.

  The words wouldn’t come, though.

  They were on the tip of my tongue, and then he leaned in and gently placed a kiss to the side of my mouth, bid me goodnight, and walked away without looking back.

  Gentle and sweet. Not pressuring me into inviting him in. Accepting of the circumstances. Still, the kiss told me he wasn’t giving up. That he was going to fight.

  Had I? Given up? Stopped fighting?

  Nope. The exact opposite. A war raged inside me. A storm that refused to pass.

  As I lay in bed last night and looked over the schedule, a small smile formed. I have a date every day this week leading up to elimination on Sunday. Friday and Saturday are with Jace and Lennon, respectively. I have all week to figure out what the hell I’m doing. Not that time is going to help solve my problem.

  Knowing me, I will have my mind made up only to change it once I spend time with them.

  Flip-flopping.

  At least, that’s what Naomi said last time I talked to her.

  “Every time you call, you want a different person,” she said as she let out an exhausted sigh.

  “That’s not true. I just can’t decide if—”

  “I know. Jace or Lennon. Lennon or Jace. Who is it today? Which one is winning?”

  I couldn’t tell if she was irritated or just tired. The kids had been extra rowdy this week and driving her crazy. Spring break is right around the corner, and they’re eager to have time off. So is she and she deserves it. The woman never goes on vacation. Hell, the last time we took a day trip together was two summers ago, right after she graduated. I still had a year left, so we used the trip to celebrate her success and as one last big hurrah for me before starting my senior year.

  “Does it really matter? I’m the one that’s losing.”

  “Right. Explain that to me again.”

  “I’m losing my mind. My sanity is gone. I want both of them, and I don’t feel like I deserve either of them. Hell, after Lennon caught Jace and I making out, I felt awful. And you know what the first thing that popped into my head was?” I gave her a second to answer, but when she didn’t, I continued. She knew what I was going to say. “Wren. In that moment, I was just as bad as him. I was the cheater.”

  Naomi cleared her throat, paused, and then all she got out was a strangled “Pres . . .”

  “I get it’s a little different. You don’t have to say it out loud, but still, I couldn’t shake the feeling. I don’t want to be this person. I know this is how the game is played. If I want to stay, I need the votes. I need both of them to want me here. And honestly, I want both of them here. I enjoy their company. I just wish it didn’t feel wrong.”

  “Presley, it feels wrong because you have morals. Because you actually give a shit what they think of you. Because the last thing you want to do is hurt either of them. I guarantee they know what they’re getting into. They signed up for the show to make out with everyone, I’m sure. To get some action from whichever hottie paid them attention.

  “For what it’s worth, here’s my two cents. Let yourself feel. Push away the stigma that you’re a bad person for kissing both of them. You’re not cheating. This is a game, and though there will be consequences and someone will end up losing, they both know that. So enjoy the time you have with them. Don’t be afraid of falling because, at the end of the day, that’s what this is all about, and you know it. The one person you’re afraid will get hurt . . . is you.”

  I was in tears by the time Naomi was done. She knows me better than anyone. She’s not afraid to tell me what I don’t want to hear, especially when I need her to. I couldn’t ask for a better friend, and even though I wasn’t excited she tricked me into coming here, I will find a way to pay her back, tenfold. Because it was exactly what I needed to help heal my broken heart.

  When I think of Wren, I don’t break down in tears anymore. The anger is still there, but I think that will always linger. The hurt, the feelings of betrayal, they don’t have the hold on me they did only a few weeks ago. Being thrust into this position forced me to stop obsessing about what happened and to open my eyes to the possibilities in front of me.

  Jace and Lennon.

  I changed the subject after that, though I wish I hadn’t. Naomi informed me she ran into Wren. Who was alone. Who looked like shit. And he asked about me. He’s tried to call me twice since I’ve been here, and I’ve sent him to voicemail both times. Not that I’ve listened to the messages. The last thing I want to hear is his voice, his apology. It won’t change the way I feel.

  Just hearing his name had rage coursing through my veins. Enough that I let Naomi go and felt the need to go for a run. Lacing up my sneakers, I quickly made my way across the ranch to the building that houses the fitness center. There was music playing overhead when I walked in, but I was alone. Which was good because all I wanted was to run on the treadmill and get lost in my thoughts.

  The solitude didn’t last long. I was only a mile into my run when Courtney and Milo walked in, hand in hand. Well, that was a new development. They quickly split
apart when they spotted me staring, Courtney jumping on a treadmill next to me while Milo went for the hand weights.

  I didn’t ask. I wasn’t in the mood. Instead, I closed my eyes and focused on the last four miles. Gripping the handrails for dear life, I was spent by the time the machine beeped at me, slowly coming to a stop. Out of breath and dripping with sweat, I grabbed my phone and headed back to my villa without even saying goodbye.

  That was two hours ago. I’m still sitting on my couch, sipping water and trying to calm my racing heart. My phone’s in my hand, the thought of calling Wren and telling him to fuck off all I can focus on. That would require me hearing his voice, though. His deep, masculine, sexy-as-fuck voice. The same voice that used to bring me to my knees when he’d call out my name as he came unglued.

  After throwing my phone into the cushions of the couch, I finally toe off my shoes and strip, not caring that the hidden cameras are getting a free show. I have a date in an hour, and the last thing I want is for Callen to show up and for him to be repulsed because I still smell.

  Mini-golfing.

  Go-cart racing.

  I couldn’t have asked for a more fun activity to take my mind off everything else. Callen is full of energy tonight, and his jokes are spot on, getting me to laugh even though I didn’t think I’d be able to.

  “You know,” I say as the cameraman takes the mini cam he forced me to wear while we raced around the track. “I really think, after all this is over, you should come visit me in St. Louis.”

  “Are you inviting me over?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

  “Yes, because I honestly think you and Naomi would hit it off.”

  “You may have mentioned that a time or ten tonight.”

  I’ve been talking about her all night. He’s interested, but I can tell he’s hesitant at the same time. He hasn’t said why, but when I told him she was an elementary school teacher, he seemed to freeze for a second.

  Taking my hand, Callen leads me over to the snack bar. We’re standing behind a family of four. The little girl is in her daddy’s arms, facing us, smiling. When I give her a small wave, she tucks her head against his neck and wraps her little arms around him.

  She’s adorable but shy.

  “You ever think about that? Having kids?” Callen asks, catching me off guard.

  “Of course. Someday. When I don’t feel like the bottom is going to fall out from under me. What about you?”

  He only nods, staring off into space as if I’ve touched on a painful memory.

  Loaded with two hot dogs each and bottled water, we take an empty picnic table and sit across from each other. If it had been Jace or Lennon, I probably would have sat next to them.

  “So tell me your darkest secrets,” I joke as he bites into his first hot dog.

  “I don’t think you can handle the darkness,” he replies, his voice taking on a serious tone I’ve never heard from Callen before.

  “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.” He seems to think it over for a minute before he nods in agreement. “The reason I’m here is because Naomi tricked me into it. I didn’t want to come because my heart was broken and this wasn’t how I thought it would be fixed. I caught my ex in bed with another woman. The man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I built my future around him, and when everything came crashing down around me, I shattered into a million pieces. Like everything around me went dark. I had no job, no home, nothing. And what hurt the most . . . he wasn’t just in bed with anyone. He was in bed with someone I knew. I’ve never told anyone that before.”

  “I’m guessing this someone was close to you and not only did he betray your trust, but so did she.”

  I offer Callen a smile, but it falls flat. Even thinking her name brings it all back. The images. Them together. Her on top of him, calling out his name. In our bed. On the sheets I had changed that morning.

  “You know, you’re a lot stronger than you think, right? Not many people would be able to survive that with a smile on their face. It takes some people years before they’re back on their feet and ready to even entertain the idea of being with someone else, yet you have options, and you seem to want to entertain them.”

  Callen’s back. And in full force. His megawatt smile has me rolling my eyes as he not-to-subtly references my conundrum with Jace and Lennon.

  “Your turn,” I state firmly, changing the subject as I bite into my hot dog.

  “My fiancée cheated on me, got pregnant, and tried to trick me into thinking it was mine. I was a daddy for nine months. I was excited to start a family and prepared to give everything up to make sure my family was happy and safe. Then her daughter was born, and it was clear she wasn’t mine. One look at her and I knew what had happened. I’d thought something was going on with them, but they always denied it, and I couldn’t prove it. Until the baby was born and she came out looking exactly like my best friend, who happens to be black.”

  Callen pauses, takes a sip of water, and then slams his hands on the table, startling me.

  “She came clean about everything, and I wanted to forgive them, but I can’t seem to do it. I love both of them. They’re the two most important people in my life. I just can’t seem to move past the betrayal. I thought coming here would be a good idea because if nothing else, I would be able to have a little fun and not think about them for a little while.”

  “And how’s that working out for you?” I already know the answer as I watch him clench his fists.

  “You know, if there was someone here that had caught my attention, it may have worked.”

  “I take offense to that,” I joke and am rewarded with a smile even though it’s forced.

  “I’ll be the first to admit I’m picky. I can find a flaw in anyone if I look hard enough. So, when I got here, that’s what I did. I picked each of you apart and damned myself in the process. It’s not fair to you or any of them, but what’s done is done.”

  “And what was my flaw? I’m just curious. I promise not to hold it against you.”

  “The way you looked at Jace. I didn’t want to compete with anyone. I wanted it to be easy because I had complicated waiting for me back home.”

  I can see his logic, but what he doesn’t see is his value.

  “I’m only going to say this once, so listen closely,” I lean in with the hope that the cameraman who’s been standing to our left the entire time can’t hear what I’m about to say. “She’s an idiot. She threw away a damn good catch. We all make mistakes, Callen, but in my opinion, this is one that shouldn’t be forgiven. You may love both of them, but they don’t value you as much as you do them. If they did, they wouldn’t have done what they did. So, when you get home, keep that in mind. Let it go. Move on. Most importantly, forgive yourself because you’re not the one to blame. Then, call me.”

  “Why? You gonna mend my broken heart? Without the cameras watching?”

  “Yup, only it’s not my bed you’re going to fall in,” I say with a smirk, and thankfully, his matches mine.

  Chapter Three

  Day 18

  After an amazing date with Callen, even with the sad turn toward the end, I was excited to see what Milo had planned for us tonight. I guarantee it’s not what he has planned for his date with Courtney, that’s for sure. Especially if the sounds coming from her villa when Callen and I returned last night were any indication.

  Soft moaning.

  A ton of oh my Gods.

  Yes, yes, yes.

  I heard it all in the twenty seconds it took me to scurry past her place and up my steps. I guarantee I’m not the only one either if the irritated glances she was receiving at breakfast this morning were any indication. Not that she seemed to notice. There was a grin permanently plastered on her face.

  If I hadn’t seen her holding Milo’s hand at the fitness center, I wouldn’t know who was with her last night. She gave away no indication. Didn’t make eye contact with any of the guys. Barely spared a glance acros
s the table in their direction. In fact, now that I think about it, she was oddly silent.

  If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Courtney, it’s that she likes to talk. About anything and everything. Mainly clothes, accessories, shoes . . . but honestly, she can hold her own in a conversation. I overheard her talking with Natasha the other day about Greek mythology. If I didn’t know Natasha had studied in Greece for a summer, I would have thought Courtney was leading the discussion. It surprised me and, judging by the look on Natasha’s face, her as well.

  “So what do you have in store for us this evening?” I ask Milo as we walk toward the front of the house. Jace and Bella are off to our left, milling around by the pool. I can’t help but stare at him as we pass. He’s wearing a button-down shirt that’s rolled up to his elbows and dark-wash jeans. Casual but stylish.

  The way Bella’s staring up at him, I have a feeling she approves as well.

  How could she not? He’s so nice to look at. Not to mention his kisses make me weak in the knees and leave me begging for more. I wonder if she’s experienced that yet? Has he kissed anyone else? Does he want to?

  “I can just go alone if you want,” Milo says, a hint of irritation in his voice.

  When I look back to him, he’s at least ten feet away from me, holding the door to the house open. I stopped walking at some point, my attention focused on Jace. My mind wandering to places I wish it wouldn’t. Places that will haunt me when I sleep.

  Because I have no claim on him. On who he kisses. On what he does with those amazing lips while out with the other girls.

  Fuck!

  I need to pull myself together.

  “Sorry, I just . . .”

  Why lie? He knows exactly what I was doing, who I was looking at, and what I’m thinking about right now.